KW 43/23

If you try to hard you will only come up with "the about" and won't discover anything.

Why do things happen? How do things happen? How do I make things happen? When is something worth its money? How much?
Questions in space. No answers.
How can one align intention with action and MAKE a decent LIVING?

In actual fact, it's been a while since I worked FOR money, making me question the value of my DOINGS.
I mean, it's not that I don't work. I work on average 14 hrs a day (deducting 7 hrs for sleep and 3 for grocery shopping/ cooking/laundry and dog care )
But I do not seem to arrive anywhere. It's like working in mining or a black hole.

Six weeks ago I got a commission, hence an authorized production of an image, that I'll eventually get $$$ for.
The brief: A portrait of a person (I do not know) in a style (that hasn't been defined).
I should just write the sentence "I don't know you, but I needed the money" on a canvas of appropriate size. Shadow gap around it. Done. But... I fear that this might disappoint the client and does not justify a couple of grand.
Truth is, I'd probably already earned that amount, had I worked at a diner at minimum wage. That's how much time I've invested so far. Effective as always. Well done!

KW 42/23

 INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION, INTUITION,

KW 41/23

No time to live / With all the _ and _
So sick of it all. Of washing the withered flesh curtains / brushing the rotten mouths / clipping the matted wings - to fit the system. Tired, of pulling myself together - every morning anew - and yet slowly slipping deeper and deeper / into _(VOID?) That's not even the proper term to describe my current (mood), as I assume VOID would not feel so unbearable. In fact, void would be salvation compared to this mire of _(lets call it "pressured insignificance"). Every attempt to find a solution to cope with this paralyzing "antimatter" seems futile. A bottomless pit. I can't take anymore..
All I ask for is a little time to live! To breathe! ROOM to simply be! In peace and... do NOTHING.

Not having to be constantly on alert to do something useful because everything has become so incredibly efficient. I mean...how is it even possible that there's no time to left to ...breathe? Isn't that what every single individual on this planet should be entitled to? To just BE like a blade of grass
Once not to worry about injustice, violence, poverty... in general or in my case bleeding on paper to "make a living" and yet - not feeling that I am alive.

...Why can this "crazy havoc" we live in, not be stopped? Respiratory arrest for everyone! Freeze frame!

Anyhow...I gotta go. ..find a place where I can just be....Take what little courage I got left...get rid of what has been...And go away / Find a new destination....but first things first: Running 2hrs late to get sth to eat.

Note to self: need to find a _ place where living and meals are provided so me and A(K)I can just exist_

KW 40/23

The age of “_” is upon us.

* * *

Leaning on a cleanish dumpster 

that as yet, has not felt flame,

an 8 bit black bird flies across

the screen of the world, cawing: 

AD HOC!